I'm on a computer all day at work, so, honestly, I haven't wanted to blog AT ALL. And I kind of don't now but I happened to be on here and it's been a loooooooong time, so here's a quick update in bullet points. I'm hoping this will give me a jumping off point to get in depth later!
*work is still... yeah... I dunno. Still learning, still struggling a bit, still hoping I'll get better, still not thrilled with the hours. Trying harder and gradually improving, but not where I thought I'd be 6 months in... workin' on it!
*wanting a baby status: over it.
*sad about Taylor and Tristan: getting much better. Less bitter. Easier to cry when I think of them but strangely that's helpful. Not like I bawl daily, just actually letting myself feel when the it comes up.
*other babies: easier. Still not always that easy. More "wow what a cute baby" moments and less "I hate you for having a baby" moments. Still removing people from my facebook news feed THE first time I see the "having a baby" posts. Actually caring about them and checking up on them on my time/terms.
*black belt: earned.
*marriage: work in progress. I don't touch on it much here and I don't want to air other's issues, but I'll say there have been a lot of struggles in the last year or so. I'm learning a lot about myself and how to be a better person through it, though, and I think that's important and worth mentioning.
*friends: miss them! no time. burning out kinda fast with everything. NEED MORE TIME WITH FRIENDS
*life: need a better balance/to prioritize.
*church: zoning out a bit. definitely need to improve my relationship with God!
*health: meh. gaining weight, hate that! chronic pain not AS bad. gland stuff, icky and not very good. Jaw tense and awful. upper back full o' knots.
*pets: Taryn's 3 frogs all died, but... we got a little doggie!!! She's a 4 year old shih Tzu named Coco and I loooooove her!
*Trent: outgrew me!
*survived: 3 year anniversary of saying bye to Taylor (8/13/10).
*revelation: losing a grandchild is hard for grandparents. watching their kids want kids is hard for parents. my m.i.l. is awesome and strong and also probably really struggling watching us lose kids and another one long for them!
*looking forward to: going to Glenwood Springs with Ryan to celebrate our anniversary this weekend. Hot springs and delicious food, here I come!
30 October 2013
30 May 2013
Update. Part 1 of ???: New Job
Many of you know that I have spent the last bazillion or so years working in restaurants. Mainly at Perkins (12 1/2 years), and then at Mimi's Cafe (with many of the Perkins crew) for the past 2 years. Many of you also know that I have never wanted to make a career out of this profession and have been burned out for almost as many years as I have been doing it in the first place. Was it all bad? No, absolutely not. I met many great people, I made good money, the hours were totally flexible around school and my kids, and, frankly, I was really good at it. I don't usually toot my own horn, but let's just be honest. Maybe not so much at Mimi's, but certainly at Perkins, I was totally the bomb at this job. But, it wasn't challenging and it got to the point where I didn't enjoy it, at all. I enjoyed the regulars, and I still miss them. But, there is a lot of drama and ridiculousness that comes with restaurant work, and I don't like drama or ridiculousness. Plus, it is physically and mentally demanding. And, at Mimi's, I felt totally unappreciated AND I felt like I was just wasting my time because it was far away. I wasn't totally opposed to working in a restaurant or bar but didn't see the point in driving 20 miles away to do it when I didn't really have a reason to. That's why I decided to just give up. Really, I could sugar coat it, but why? That really is what happened. I was just done. So, one day, out of the blue, I told my boss I needed to talk to him before he left for the day. He was like, "are you leaving us?" And all I could do was mockingly look at the ceiling and say, "uh huh." I gave my notice and hoped that, just once, the news wouldn't spread like wildfire. OF COURSE, in a restaurant, that was totally wishful thinking. Within a shift or two, people would trickle to me, "Don't leave," "are you really leaving us?" uh, yeah, I had to. I didn't have anything else lined up, I didn't have a plan of action, I didn't know where to start or what I wanted to look for but I just had to GO. I figured it would be a kick in pants because "job search" had been a line item on my to-do list for years, and IT NEVER GOT DONE. It never even really got started.
For one (scary) month, I was unemployed (NO, I couldn't afford it, et cetera et cetera, but I felt SO GOOD for that month anyway. The cloud of unhappiness and stress lifted almost completely). I looked online every day for jobs and was pleasantly surprised that there were some good ones out there. I got an interview for one that sounded AMAZING and had a screening interview but never even got a call back for a longer interview. I tried to be positive and told myself it just wasn't meant to be, that I just wasn't who they were looking for, and that it would be inconvenient anyway (and it would have been), but rejection still really sucks. Funny now though, because as down about it as I was at the time, I haven't even thought about it in probably 2 months until now. There really was something different out there for me. I applied to anything I thought MIGHT be feasible, because I figured if I felt I could be qualified for something, maybe someone else would think so, too. If not, at least I tried. I figured some no's were better than not even trying and I was right. I got a call from the manager at a bank that is less than 10 minutes away from my house, and I just had a good feeling about my first interview. I interviewed with the assistant manager and things went pretty well. She was super nice, and I was excited at the prospect of starting something completely different. She told me they had a few other interviews and I'd hear back within a couple of weeks, so I was pretty surprised when I got another call later that day from the manager asking if I could come in the next day to meet him. By the end of the interview, where I also had a chance to meet the banker and hear about the job I was interviewing for, he was like, "so, whaddaya want?" He agreed that my asking salary was reasonable and told me he'd check with his boss. That was Friday, and on Monday afternoon, I got a call from the assistant manager, offering me the job for roughly the salary I had requested.
About a month ago, I started. I have had a lot to learn and I have had a few struggles wondering if I did the right thing and if I am doing ok. Sometimes I feel like I am being compared to the other banker, who is a very confident young go-getter (with banking experience), and I really can't compare at this point. But I have taken it upon myself to learn as much as I can and keep as busy as I can and I think I'm doing ok. There's been a big learning curve and sometimes it's a little hard because I feel like I've been expected to figure a whole lot of it out on my own. But I know tons more than I did a month ago and I'm starting to feel more comfortable helping out some customers on my own. Today, I had someone call asking for me, and even though someone else was able to help him, it made me feel good that I was proficient enough when I had spoken with him before that he would ask for me again. I also spoke with another customer over the phone, a regular, who was very nice and thanked me profusely and said she hoped to make it in soon and meet me, so that was also really nice. It's nice to have that recognition and appreciation from the customers, but it also sucks when I don't know how to help them and they don't seem to understand that I am still learning and trying my best. I guess there is a lot of value in having a steep learning curve because as I make mistakes, I do get one heck of a learning experience from each and every one of them, but who likes to make mistakes?! Especially in front of customers, because, let's be honest, they don't care that I'm new, they care that I'm not able to help them that minute. I also have a little bit of a struggle because the managers both say things like, "oh, she won't be up and running on her own for a while" or "you still are struggling with ________________." Which is fine, I need to know how I can improve, but I also feel like I'm told something vaguely once and expected to remember how to do it some significant time later and that isn't very helpful. I also feel like I could be up and running if someone would just take the time to show me how to do a task, from start to finish and without controllable distractions, just once or twice. My training has been pretty scattered, so it's kind of hard to know what questions I'm supposed to ask when I open a new account, when I haven't seen that done but have been just told the steps. Geez, here I am just complaining! I didn't start this post with that intention at all, I just feel a little overwhelmed having so much to learn and I am a little bewildered that there isn't a better training plan in place so that tasks are learned in an orderly, and thorough, way. But, that's just at the branch level, and I do understand they are busy and have other things to do than just train me. On a higher note, they do offer an in-class banker school and I did the first week of that last week. It was actually fun and really helpful. It was also nice to get to meet other new(ish) bankers. It made me feel like I wasn't going through everything alone. I go back for the second part next week and can't wait to see all my new banker buddies again!
I guess... just wish me luck, say a little prayer that I learn quickly and get my confidence up some. I know I can do it, I just hope it will be soon, and very well. And that my coworkers will see it soon, too. I'm not asking for praise all day, everyday, but it'd be nice to feel like I had someone backing me up and rooting me on.
For one (scary) month, I was unemployed (NO, I couldn't afford it, et cetera et cetera, but I felt SO GOOD for that month anyway. The cloud of unhappiness and stress lifted almost completely). I looked online every day for jobs and was pleasantly surprised that there were some good ones out there. I got an interview for one that sounded AMAZING and had a screening interview but never even got a call back for a longer interview. I tried to be positive and told myself it just wasn't meant to be, that I just wasn't who they were looking for, and that it would be inconvenient anyway (and it would have been), but rejection still really sucks. Funny now though, because as down about it as I was at the time, I haven't even thought about it in probably 2 months until now. There really was something different out there for me. I applied to anything I thought MIGHT be feasible, because I figured if I felt I could be qualified for something, maybe someone else would think so, too. If not, at least I tried. I figured some no's were better than not even trying and I was right. I got a call from the manager at a bank that is less than 10 minutes away from my house, and I just had a good feeling about my first interview. I interviewed with the assistant manager and things went pretty well. She was super nice, and I was excited at the prospect of starting something completely different. She told me they had a few other interviews and I'd hear back within a couple of weeks, so I was pretty surprised when I got another call later that day from the manager asking if I could come in the next day to meet him. By the end of the interview, where I also had a chance to meet the banker and hear about the job I was interviewing for, he was like, "so, whaddaya want?" He agreed that my asking salary was reasonable and told me he'd check with his boss. That was Friday, and on Monday afternoon, I got a call from the assistant manager, offering me the job for roughly the salary I had requested.
About a month ago, I started. I have had a lot to learn and I have had a few struggles wondering if I did the right thing and if I am doing ok. Sometimes I feel like I am being compared to the other banker, who is a very confident young go-getter (with banking experience), and I really can't compare at this point. But I have taken it upon myself to learn as much as I can and keep as busy as I can and I think I'm doing ok. There's been a big learning curve and sometimes it's a little hard because I feel like I've been expected to figure a whole lot of it out on my own. But I know tons more than I did a month ago and I'm starting to feel more comfortable helping out some customers on my own. Today, I had someone call asking for me, and even though someone else was able to help him, it made me feel good that I was proficient enough when I had spoken with him before that he would ask for me again. I also spoke with another customer over the phone, a regular, who was very nice and thanked me profusely and said she hoped to make it in soon and meet me, so that was also really nice. It's nice to have that recognition and appreciation from the customers, but it also sucks when I don't know how to help them and they don't seem to understand that I am still learning and trying my best. I guess there is a lot of value in having a steep learning curve because as I make mistakes, I do get one heck of a learning experience from each and every one of them, but who likes to make mistakes?! Especially in front of customers, because, let's be honest, they don't care that I'm new, they care that I'm not able to help them that minute. I also have a little bit of a struggle because the managers both say things like, "oh, she won't be up and running on her own for a while" or "you still are struggling with ________________." Which is fine, I need to know how I can improve, but I also feel like I'm told something vaguely once and expected to remember how to do it some significant time later and that isn't very helpful. I also feel like I could be up and running if someone would just take the time to show me how to do a task, from start to finish and without controllable distractions, just once or twice. My training has been pretty scattered, so it's kind of hard to know what questions I'm supposed to ask when I open a new account, when I haven't seen that done but have been just told the steps. Geez, here I am just complaining! I didn't start this post with that intention at all, I just feel a little overwhelmed having so much to learn and I am a little bewildered that there isn't a better training plan in place so that tasks are learned in an orderly, and thorough, way. But, that's just at the branch level, and I do understand they are busy and have other things to do than just train me. On a higher note, they do offer an in-class banker school and I did the first week of that last week. It was actually fun and really helpful. It was also nice to get to meet other new(ish) bankers. It made me feel like I wasn't going through everything alone. I go back for the second part next week and can't wait to see all my new banker buddies again!
I guess... just wish me luck, say a little prayer that I learn quickly and get my confidence up some. I know I can do it, I just hope it will be soon, and very well. And that my coworkers will see it soon, too. I'm not asking for praise all day, everyday, but it'd be nice to feel like I had someone backing me up and rooting me on.
20 February 2013
bubble... burst!
"do you and your husband have any kids together?"
"just 2 dead ones."
sometimes being blunt is fun and kind of hilarious.
is it messed up that I think so? there's a tiny bit of very mean spirited satisfaction when I see that look of slight shock on someone's face when I'm actually honest. maybe part of it is that I just like to talk about my kids- ALL of them and I feel AWESOME when I do.
even if it makes someone squirm.
"just 2 dead ones."
sometimes being blunt is fun and kind of hilarious.
is it messed up that I think so? there's a tiny bit of very mean spirited satisfaction when I see that look of slight shock on someone's face when I'm actually honest. maybe part of it is that I just like to talk about my kids- ALL of them and I feel AWESOME when I do.
even if it makes someone squirm.
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