The closer it gets to my due date (2 weeks yesterday til the big day), the more I am not sure if I'm going to be able to handle that day. First of all, I can't believe it has already gone by so fast! I go back to all those hopes and dreams of last summer when I first found out, and it is unbelievable to me that here I am now, and all those things I thought would happen, haven't. I haven't told people at work that I'm expecting, we haven't excitedly anticipated the big day, we don't have a nursery, I haven't kept going walking with a big belly to show off and I didn't get attention from the old people at the mall about it. I have started karate, and even sometimes it makes me mad that I am there and not sitting, uncomfortably, on the bleachers with my big tummy giving me problems.
I also am starting to think more and more of what I am not going to have; just when I got to the point where I think I am starting to move beyond "what should have been" and "it's not fair," it hits me more and more that I should be welcoming a new baby VERY soon, and I'm not going to be. I think it makes me very mad. And very sad.
