No one told me that once my due date came, and went, I would not be able to simply breathe a sigh of relief because it was over. It is not over, because now the crazy counting and should haves are just moving in the other direction. Instead of "I should have a baby in 2 weeks," it's "I should have a two week old, a month old," and on and on it will go.
Don't get me wrong, I never expected that it would all just be over and it would never bother me again. Of COURSE it always will be on my mind. I just did not account for my shoulda coulda woulda's to keep continuing.
I guess I will probably never stop counting days and weeks and months and I will never stop having questions as to why.
<3 <3 <3 TAYLOR <3 <3 <3
What you're feeling sad?. Forgive me, sometimes I'm wrong in read a message text. Because my knowledge of phrases in English are very little. But whatever you feel, I hope you stay in God's love. You ever learned about psychology, you must have been a wise man in the act. Whether you are Alex, who is on my followers list as anonymous?.
ReplyDeleteNo, it doesn't go away. You do start counting in the other direction and thinking of all the shoulda coulda beens and you think of all the milestones that you're missing. But you do start to forget...not forget about your loss but you forget exactly how old your baby should be. I have to do the math for Hannah now...count out each month to see just how old she should be. I used to feel guilty for that but I'm actually relieved that I don't think about it so much. I think I mostly just realize what I'm missing when I see other children right around the same age...that is what gets me counting out the months again.
ReplyDeleteAudrey should be exactly one month today. I honestly hadn't even thought about it. But today I think it makes me more annoyed, frustrated, and angry than it does sad.
I don't know when it gets easier overall though. I wish I did. I mean sure, in some ways it is sooo much easier than it was at the beginning but then sometimes the more time that has gone by the more upset I am about all the things I've missed.
Sorry for my rambling. Your post just got me thinking. I can totally relate.