9 Surprise Lessons I've Learned About Work and Money

It's true, I've been in panic mode for almost 2 months now, since I quit my job at the bank.  It's extremely stressful not making money and having the extra income, especially when you've managed to irresponsibly rack up credit card debt and still have some student loans.  It also makes you feel losery and worthless to not be adding monetary value to your household and to know that you tried and did not succeed at a new "career."  Then, there is the layer of guilt for putting all the slack on your husband for paying all the bills.  Seriously, I do feel really (really, really, really) bad for all of that.

BUT.  That all being said, I have learned several valuable lessons that I never would have figured out before.  In no particular order, not working has taught me:

1.  The value of who you are and what you mean to others cannot be expressed in monetary terms.  I have 2 amazing kids who have grown up so incredibly fast it makes me want to cry.  In just a few short years, Trent will be 18 and finishing high school.  The time I miss with them now cannot be recovered.  The biggest two regrets I have about working full time at the bank were missing almost all of last summer with them, and taking out my work frustration and exhaustion on them when my days were long at work.  Have the kids felt the impact of the zero bank balance?  Absolutely!  But the time I have been able to spend with them has been invaluable.  Being able to go on a field trip, hang out for field day, go to an awards ceremony, drive my son to camp, cook dinner every night, be the one to take them to their activities instead of showing up late, grumpy, and tired mean more to them than me being able to spend an extra $2 on gum every time we're at Target. 

2.  Making money is hard.  In an effort to make some supplemental money until I find a job, I have scoured my house for any and all goods I don't need anymore.  Turns out, they aren't worth much.  The 100 books I had from my college days that I spent thousands on?  I spent 2 full days online, looking for anyone who wanted them.  The result?  Sold only 20 of the books to the tune of just under $80  ($60 of which I can't even currently retrieve due to the name on my paypal account not matching the name on my bank account, but that's another story).  Took some old clothes of Taryn's (and by old, I mean mainly purchased in the last year) to a kid's consignment shop (2, actually).  Netted $15.65 (wooooo).  Took some of mine and Trent's old clothes to a teen consignment shop (again, old being within the past year or 2).  My earnings?  $10.60.  Dragged out almost everything we had from the basement and garage saled it.  After lugging it all out to my driveway THREE separate times, I made about $77.  And I still have a garage full of stuff I wish I had never bought.  I mean, really!  Did each of my kids need 70000000000 outfits before they were 2?!  Take heed, parents of little ones, DON'T BUY MORE THAN THE BARE MINIMUM OF CLOTHING AND TOYS FOR YOUR KIDS.  It's not worth it.  What I'm attempting to get at is that it is easy to spend money on things you think you need, but hindsight has taught me the hard lesson that acquiring money is way more difficult than spending it.  I may be unemployed but I have not worked this hard in a very long time!

3.  Setback does not equal failure.  Disliking my job waiting tables doesn't mean I failed.  Disliking my job at the bank, trying to sell credit cards and loans and accounts to people who just wanted to activate their debit card and leave doesn't mean I failed.  Flubbing up and spending some money I shouldn't doesn't mean I failed.  All of these things taught me so much about who I am, what I enjoy and don't enjoy, and what is important.  Had I learned nothing or failed to acknowledge what I know now about myself, THEN I would have failed.  But I am moving onward and upward and will continue to learn, grow, and move on.  No failure here. 

4. Struggling for every dollar you have makes you appreciate it a million times more, and 5. letting your kids watch you work your butt off for almost nothing is a priceless lesson for them.  I have felt bad time and again for telling them no: no, we can't go out, no, we can't get ice cream, no, we can't buy candy, no, no, no, no, no.  But all those no's have shown them that every little extra spent here and there is A. a treat, and B. adds up to a ton of money.  I'm hoping this time spent being thrifty and getting minimal extras will help them think twice about their own spending habits, now and forever.

6. Being employed can be exceptionally deceptive.  I was making ok money at the bank.  Compared to other jobs, it was just ok, better than Mimi's, about the same take home as Perkins, but at Perkins I made the money in 25-30 hours vs. 38-40+ hours at the bank.  That's a minimum of 8 extra hours per week, yikes!  And now we can all see why serving is a job that is easy to end up doing for 10,000 years!  I knew this the whole time I was working at the bank and I knew I had debt to pay down, but I could afford extra stuff because I had a job!  Right?  WRONG.  Having a job tricked me into telling myself I could buy stuff I shouldn't have been buying.  While it's true I did need new work clothes, I didn't need a closet full of new work clothes.  While it's true that some days were payday, I didn't need to eat lunch out just because I had plenty of money in my account on payday.   Several years ago, I lended a friend some money, and before she paid me back, she had bought some non-necessities for herself.  Man, was I pissed!  I angrily confronted her and she angrily wrote me a check for the full amount while I stewed that she was mad at me for saying something.  It blew over quickly, but looking back, I wonder why I don't hold myself to the same standard.  I owe Visa money.  I owe MasterCard money.  I owe Discover money.  I owe Nelnet money.  We all get the idea.  Obviously these companies aren't my friends and don't want me to pay off my balances, but the concept is similar.  Why am I not angry at myself for spending money on lunch out or ANOTHER pencil skirt I'm not going to wear when I owe my buddy Bank of America a bunch of money?  Well, because I have a job and have money coming in so I can afford to.  That was the lie I told myself for a long time and when I do get a new job, I hope and pray that I won't forget this lesson!  All I can currently afford is the money I owe other "people."

7.  It's not all about the money.  I have stupidly become obsessed with money, despite having a lifelong cavalier attitude about it.  I'm not obsessed with building a big bank account or buying lots of things, just with getting and staying out of debt.  But the things in life that matter the most aren't how much you make or what stuff you've got.  I have a great family and supportive friends, am happy with my religion and developing relationship with God, and I have everything I need.  I am lucky.  I am blessed.

8.  If work feels like torture, it will poison your whole life.  I am searching for something I am passionate about and love doing because then it will not feel like work.  I won't stupidly hold out forever for the ideal, but now I do have a long term goal of finding something I LOVE doing.  Working in a restaurant is fine.  Working in a bank is fine.  But I got to the point where I hated being at work and that makes the job 100% not worth it.  I don't know where I'll end up, but I know it won't be in a job that is just "fine," or worse.

9.  I am ok and have everything I need.  Not working doesn't mean you aren't valuable.  It doesn't mean your world is going to fall apart.  It doesn't mean you're lazy or afraid to work hard.  If anything, this has taught me that working hard feels great!  Until I find my next job, I will continue to be ok.