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Next month, I will be 33.  I have 2 kids who are rapidly approaching adulthood.  I have a college degree, earned over 11 years ago.  I have been married for nearly 8 years.  I worked in restaurants for almost 16 years.  I enjoy psychology, sociology, literature, writing, drawing, painting, crocheting, criminal justice, music, children, walking, and karate.  I know that ideally, I'd like to do a job that isn't customer service, at least for a while.  I know that I don't enjoy sales at all.  I think sales pitches are ridiculous and sometimes even insulting.  I hate been sold to and I don't want to do it to anyone else.  I have learned from my last job that confidence and self assuredness will get you very far.  I have learned that loving what you do is key, because if your job makes you miserable, it will spill into real life and make those around you miserable as well.  I learned that it's not that easy to just "make money" and the harder you work for the money, the better it feels to have it.  All of THAT being said, I have come to the scary, stressful, and maddening "what do I want to be when I grow up?" crossroad.  I wish I had come to, and torn past, this juncture a decade ago, but nothing will change the past.  I keep telling myself and everyone else, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what to do.  But I do know, really.  I want to do something creative (make paintings and sell them, teach elementary students art class, write a novel, or write and illustrate stories for elementary aged children), independent (clean houses, deliver mail, make art and literature), and/or something that helps others (social work, case management, counseling).  So far my own self doubt is by far the biggest hurdle standing in my way.  I am unsure of my talents and passions, and scared of failing, so I don't fully throw myself into anything.  I have been grasping at straws to find a way to make extra money, and none of my ideas have worked well, thus far.  But I haven't thrown myself fully into anything I'm passionate about.  I know these things take time, patience, and perseverance, so I am resolved to try, REALLY try, one idea at a time.  First on the list, creativity.  I am going to set up an etsy store, start painting things that I enjoy painting, and see if anyone else loves what I create.  I have a few exciting ideas for paintings and am eager to see what I can do.  I have also resolved myself to spending time writing a book.  I have lots of ideas that have been on my mind, some old, some new, and they won't write themselves.  Taryn recently told me that I should be a writer, and I would love to.  But with no manuscript, a career as a writer seems completely unattainable.  Since this has always been a passion and a dream of mine, there is no reason why I shouldn't make the time to pursue this.  I do not want to feel like a failure due to lack of effort on my end.  Should I "fail" at either of these endeavors, I want to know I tried as hard as I could!  I cannot continue to be too afraid to try because I am unsure.  If I sell no art, and never publish my book or books, at least I will have spent my time creating them and pursuing a dream.  In the mean time, I still will need to work a "real job,"  and I know deep down there is an amazing job out there for me that will further my development and make me happy.  I am praying that I find it swiftly and ask that you pray for me and wish me good luck on this journey.  Having so much encouragement has been motivating and inspiring and I feel blessed to be able to take this time to figure myself out and have friends and family cheer me on along the way.