In Retrospect

I am amazed- as usual- that another year has flown by.  Day to day, things don't really seem to change all that much, but then I look back and think, wow!  SO MUCH has changed over the years, and so much happened and changed in 2010.  I never would have thought that all of the things that happened last year would have happened to me.  I feel like a completely different person in so many ways.  I never would have thought that I'd get pregnant, or be excited about it.  But I did, and I was so thrilled.  I never thought I would know how it feels to lose a child, I remember feeling such sorrow for people who have.  And although their circumstances were different (like they had children who were born and who they got to spend months or years with first), I never, ever, ever thought I would end up knowing firsthand how hard it is to say goodbye to a child that you wanted to have in your life for the rest of your life.  And though I have gone back and forth over a very long period of time about God, church, religion, et cetera; I am way more in touch with my spiritual side now than I ever thought I could be.  Somehow through the bad things, starting in the summer of 2009 when Shane and J.J. died, my faith in God grew stronger, not weaker.  I cannot explain how or why but I am so very glad that I can now say my relationship with God is growing and I am learning so much about faith and his love.  Day to day, little things happen, but over the period of many days, big things have taken place.  I may not always understand why, but I am truly grateful for all of my experiences.