tell me how to feel.
try to comfort me by saying something was wrong with the baby; it's not like it helps to think that he or she was so messed up that they couldn't live.
ask me why I am sad.
tell me you understand.
make the grief yours. This was MY baby! My BABY growing, and dying, in my body. You have NO idea how that feels.
remind me of what I have. I KNOW that I am lucky to have two amazing, sweet, kind children, a sweet husband and a lovely home. I KNOW I have been blessed. I KNOW (trust me, I know, I thank God for each day with these kids and every time I hold them in my arms) I have amazing children and I am GRATEFUL for that! SO grateful. Those things do not make it less painful to have lost this baby.
say I should be happy for people. I AM. I am happy for all of the new mommy's in my life! I understand what a wonderful, awe inspiring thing it is to have a baby, ESPECIALLY your first. It still hurts to be reminded of what I have lost. And yes, I DO feel like an asshole for that. Please don't expect me to be ecstatic, to want to see ultrasound, and preggo, and new baby pictures. It just hurts. I shouldn't have to explain or apologize for that.
push. If I don't want to talk, please do not pry. If I am tired and sad, please let me have space instead of smothering me and trying to make me feel better. You are not going to be able to say anything to change my mind and make me feel like this is ok, or make it easier.
It's not like I'm not sorry. I don't want the world to feel sorry for me!!! I want to be happy for other people, I am, and try SO hard to be, a good person. I just need some time.
excellent post! very well said. and I can relate to every last bit of it!
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