Thankful

I read somewhere that if you are having trouble falling asleep to pray the ABCs,  I liked the idea so well that I have decided to make a list while I am awake and prepared to think hard about what I appreciate.  Here is an ABC list of all the things I am grateful for:

A:  Alex.  I am glad to be me, even though I am not perfect and have made lots of mistakes, I am happy to be me, flaws and all, at the place I am in my life.  I am in a grateful place where I know what I have and I know how to appreciate it.  While I have had some bumps along the way, I am in a good place now where I am a better person and on a path to being even better.

B: Babies.  All 3 of my wonderful babies have been an amazing gift, and while sometimes it seems unfair that I have lost one, and sometimes the other 2 no longer seem like babies, all 3 are a piece of me and I would not change my experiences with  any of them.

C:  Coffee.  This is one of those little things, but it makes me happy any way.  The smell, the taste, sipping it with friends (though I don't get to do that one enough).  Try as I might, I cannot decrease my addiction to coffee, and everyone who knows me knows how much I love it!

D:  Drama.  Other people's. It reminds me to avoid the b.s. and to live happily and simply.  It also reminds me to let the past be the past and to overcome rather than be a victim.

E:  Education.  I may not be where I want to be, but I am blessed to have been able to finish my college education and to have the opportunity to pursue it even further.  I love school and hope my children will grow to value education as well.

F:  Fun.  Sometimes I complain that I don't get enough of this, but each time I do, whether it be alone, with my husband, kids, or friends, I am grateful for it.  I thrive on getting out and having a good time.  Also, of course, FRIENDS!  Some have come and gone over the years, some make me mad, some are a bit flaky, but many are full of support, love, and strength, and sometimes I couldn't get through the days without them.  So for friends who have been both bad and good, you've all made me stronger in some way.  Thank you!!!

G:  God.  I have been back and forth with this, and I am relieved that I understand better now what it means to believe and have faith.

H:  Hope.  Even when I am down, I know it is always important to have hope and faith that things will and do work out as they should and that no matter what happens, I have the strength and courage to deal with it.  And, although I am NOT a homebody, Home.  I love having a home of my own and a place where I am building fantastic memories with my family.  I am SO lucky to have a beautiful home with 3 wonderful people to share it with.

I:  Integrity.  I am a far cry from perfect.  I have made a LOT of mistakes and I have done things which are shameful and I never imagined I'd be capable of doing.  However, I have at least managed to grow from that and do pride myself in having the integrity to be a good person and to push myself to do the right things, not the easiest things.

J:  John, John, and Jon.  John Michael Mackey, my little brother; John Raymond Taylor, my best friend who is no longer alive; and Jonathan Christopher Sparks, the best friend I have who is still alive.  Hearts!

K:  Kooky.  Is this a real word?  Well, since I already went on about my babies, "kids" is out, so kooky it is.  I am glad that I have the silly personality that I do.  I don't always let it out, but I would definitely say that I can be very kooky, and I enjoy it!

L:  Love.  Live.  Life.  I am happy to be alive, and thank God each time I open my eyes to a new day.  I am happy to have people to love, and people who love me.  I am happy that I know many forms of love; romantic, friendly, and parental. 

M:  Mom.  Sometimes she may drive me nuts (like when she doesn't give me credit for being a grown-up!) but she has been a terrific role model and has always put me and my brother first.  She is hardworking, caring, helpful, everything anyone could ask for in a mother!  I cannot imagine where I'd be without her.  Also, music.  I mean, seriously, it's one of my favorite things!  I can't imagine life without it, I am a music-aholic!

N:  Neighbors.  I do have some great neighbors, and it is nice to know that there is a wonderful sense of friendship and community right outside my door.

O:  Openness.  I don't possess it, but I am learning.  I am hopeful that one day I can say this is something I am more comfortable with.  I think as I grow and learn, I am a better judge of who I can and cannot trust, and who are and are not good friends, so I do think someday this will be much easier for me.

P:  Don't laugh.  Peter.  Peter Steele, my "pretend husband," the love of my life who I never met.  I would be the first person to agree that it is silly to be obsessed with a celebrity, but he is my one exception.  His music changed my life, made me feel like I was normal when I was sad, gave me hope, and made me cry sometimes.  He was a constant I never imagined we'd already be without.  I am happy to have just been in the same room as him (6 times, and yet not enough).  Heart!  Forever!

Q:  Quiet.  I consider myself to be hypersensitive to sensory stimuli.  Get the TV AND a conversation going in the same room, and I go bonkers fairly rapidly.  So sometimes peace, quiet, and even a chance to just pray or meditate is the best thing ever.

R:  Rainbows.  No matter when I see one, I always view it as a sign of hope, a reminder that no matter how dark, scary, or long the storm, there is always hope that there will be something beautiful afterwards and that things aren't always bad.

S:  Schell.  My last name.  My grandfather's last name (may he be resting in peace, I can't believe it's been almost 20 years!).  My children's last name.  Family is very important to me, and I have been blessed to be born into an amazing family, the Schell family.

T:  Well, duh,  Trent Michael, Taryn Angelina, and Taylor.  My 3 amazing children.  What more could I ask for, one wonderful boy, one wonderful girl, and one sweet angel.  You guys are my life and my world.

U:  Understanding.  I like to think that I am un-judgemental and that I try to have an understanding for people of all different walks of life.  I like to see or hear more than one side to any story.  I know it is not my place to judge or persecute others.  I can only try to be a good listener and be open to learning other perspectives.

V:  Van Otterloo.  My husband's last name.  An amazing family that I was lucky enough to be invited to be a part of.  A large group of fun, tradition, and laughter.

W:  Writing.  It is the best way to be expressive.  I enjoy writing here, on my blog, but even more so in my journal.  I feel like ink to a pen is so rewarding, so personal, and beautiful.  It leaves room for even more expression, as it is not always perfect, unlike typing.  Sometimes I have trouble expressing myself, but writing always gives me an outlet for saying whatever I want to.

X:  Ok, here I've got nothing!  Not xanax (luckily), not xylophone (while I did play percussion, we never really did this).  X for aleX and having one of the most obscure letters in my own name?

Y:  You.  All of you.  Anyone who I call a friend, or who cares enough to be reading this, has made an impact on me in some important way.  So, thanks, to each and every one of you.

Z:  Zest.  Mostly this comes from others.  I wouldn't necessarily describe myself as having a lot of zest or excitement, but I certainly do admire and have learned a lot from those who do.

What are you grateful for?