Lonely

I appreciate the people who care, and how much they do.  It is hard for me to open up and despite trying to, I am still struggling with it.  I have had a lot on my mind and have been very distant.  I know I have been alienating myself and it is hard on the people who care.  I know I have been offered listening ears, support, and help, which I have not accepted.  I feel bad for startling people and then not talking with them when they offer an ear. I have been hard to be around; preoccupied, distant, grumpy, upset.  I feel at fault for the position I am in, I just can't talk about it right now.  I have hope that things will work out ok, but I am terrified of the possibility that they will not.  I have been in a constant state of worry about what if's and I WILL get to the point where I have the guts to work it out, and I hope and pray it does work out ok.  I look forward to the future and having all of this worry and struggle behind me.  I hope that the people who care can put up with this for a bit longer.  I do appreciate (and need) the love and support, even if I do not always accept it.