Happiest Birthday

Who would've thought that turning 29 would end up being so great?  It freaks me out a little to be so close to 30 ( I seriously remember my mom turning 30 like it was yesterday... what happened?!) but my 29th birthday was one of the best days.  Ever.  I had found out I was pregnant just 3 weeks before, and had had my first doctor's appointment 8 days earlier.  My first ultrasound was scheduled for my birthday and I could not wait.  I had never been to the doctor or had an ultrasound so early in my pregnancies before and I was so excited.  I also wasn't sure about my dates so I was looking forward to getting a better idea about when my due date would be.  The ultrasound tech was kinda dingy and I was not very impressed with her but I tried not to let it bother me, I was too excited about the ultrasound anyway.  Once we finally got everything under way, it was really cool.  I could see the tiny heart beating away and I was overwhelmingly happy (I don't remember ever having such a good view before).  I found out I was due about a week later than I thought, March 9; which is three days before and three days after my 2 best friend's birthdays.  The only thing that put a damper on the experience was the ultrasound tech telling us, "the chance of miscarriage at this point is about 5 percent."  I remember thinking "why on earth are you even telling me this?" and putting it out of my head.  If only I had known that it is not out of the question to fall into that scant 5 percent.... : (

The rest of the day went well, nothing too exciting, it was just fun to tell people that baby looked good and share my due date.  Sometimes I don't know if it was good or bad that people knew, but it is what it is.  I can't go back and redo it, but the first thing I thought when it happened was "I wish no one knew".  I wasn't ashamed or anything, I just didn't want to have to tell people that my baby was gone, especially not the kids or Ryan or his mom.   

Even though losing this baby was one of the worst experiences of my life (yes, I have had experiences about as bad as this, unfortunately), getting to reflect on the happy times make it hurt a little less.  Getting to know my baby on my birthday was one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me.  The feelings of happiness and the times where all my worries went away while I was pregnant were so wonderful.  I am grateful to have had this tiny little person in my life, even if it was for far less time than I'd have preferred.