Being a mom is one of the hardest things anyone could hope to be. While it is amazingly rewarding, it is also full of struggle, heartache, headaches, and tears. A mom's job is to teach her children to be good, responsible, kind, thoughtful individuals. Yet the better the mom does that job, the more she needs to be able to let her children grow and learn, sometimes without her. As the kids get older I struggle constantly with this. When the kids want to do something on their own, and widen their boundaries a bit more, the good mom in me says "yes" while the worrying hoverer screams "no!" but luckily that no is usually just in the back of my mind.
I want to be a mom who is a mother, a role model, and a good influence and not one who tries to be cool and be a friend. My kids deserve more than that! They need ME (how amazing!) to teach them right from wrong, to provide boundaries, and to let them grow into whoever they choose to be. The older they get the harder this becomes. I hope I can always do a good job at this, but, sometimes I don't always know if I am or not. As Trent approaches 11 (!!!!) it becomes more and more apparent that he isn't just a child. We're still close, I just want to have the strength to be the PARENT he'll need as he grows into a man. Sometimes this is so scary! Will I really have the nerve to talk to him about drugs, sex, peer pressure, succeeding at his interests? Will we be close enough that he'll want to listen, or at least take to heart some of what I have to teach?
Mostly I worry that as we all grow, we will have times where we grow a bit further from each other. Am I strong enough to be able to go through those tough times when they don't like me and we don't see eye to eye? Am I brave enough to be the role model they will need? Do I have the courage to say no to them when it is what they need but not what they want to hear? I always hope and pray that I am and will be a good mother; I really need continued strength within and support from others to do so.
All these thoughts are so very normal and I truely believe that many many moms (if not all) constantly question themselves and wonder if they are doing it all 'right'. Trust me, I do it daily!!! =) I really do think that you have done very very well with those kiddos! They are great kids and have a happy life. You have always given them everything that they could ever need and then some. You are always thinking of them and what their needs are. You are a great mom!!! You are and always will be a wonderfull role model for them and your kids look up to you (although mister Trent is sure catching up with you... =) ) You are great sweetie. *hugs*-
ReplyDeleteJ